Feb 23, 2012

Taking myself seriously... seriously.

Trying out SkyDrive through Microsoft. Hopefully with B's laptop back I can get some writing done away from my desktop. I had some great inspiration on some ideas but it happened two seconds before I passed out for the night. I managed to remember most of it, though, when I woke up in the middle of the night and realized what had happened. Which is much better than sleeping the night through and completely forgetting all of it by morning.

My biggest hurdle right now is the fact that our convention season is starting and our biggest party of the year is fast approaching  -- five days over Easter weekend. And the deadline for the Crypticon writing contest is shortly thereafter. If I want to get the TWO submissions done I've set my sights on, then I need to manage my time a little more wisely and stop procrastinating. I also need to start putting more faith in myself and start believing in my own talent. If other people, including those who are proven in the industry, think I've got the stuff it takes... why is it so hard for /me/ to believe it as well? I need to get over it already, it's gone past the point of quirk and is now into the holding-me-back and embarrassing realm.

Like this blog for example. I have ... no readers. None. Yet I post to it as if I do have some, pretend that someone will stumble upon it and find my words interesting, take up some stock in my struggle to find my own voice and win the war that is finishing a novel and continue to follow my sporadic and often rambling postings.... yet I don't do anything like oh, I don't know mention the fact that I have a blog to anyone. I'm embarrassed by promoting myself, about talking about my accomplishments like I'm some sort of braggart. And it doesn't help when I get teased or made fun of by the people who are supposed to be supporting me the most, like I've gotten some huge, uncontrollable ego since I've had one short story published.


Where was I going with this? Oh right -- I need to find a balance between the required day job, the duties of Biohazard, the household things I have to do and my writing. I need to make it a priority and make it important... because it is, at least to me. I need to take my writing and myself as an author seriously. I need to stop assuming that everything that comes out of my creative process is utter crap and start having some faith. And I definitely need to start finishing some projects. Like the current short story. And the next one.

And I need to do all of this sooner rather than later.

Like yesterday.