The Year Closes.... Yet Again

So I didn't finish the NaNoWriMo challenge. I didn't even get close. But I did, however, manage to not only start a plot that I actually like but I finished an entire synopsis (start to freaking finish, baby) that makes sense, has all the needed plot aspects and so far is well taken by the readers. Okay, change that to reader since only one person has actually read it... but they really liked it. I haven't really done much with it since then but I haven't started over yet, which is a big deal for me.

What I need to do is designate 'writing time' -- Time that I am devoting to writing and not messing around on Facebook or playing Guild Wars or Sims 3 or even working. All I am doing during this time is writing. I think the easiest time for me to do this is just after I get off of work, before everyone else gets home. This is the time I've lately been doing... well, nothing. Not having the kids around means that I am finding myself with a lot of free time. Which isn't at all a good thing in this case because it's more time I'm spending being depressed and drinking. Which if I started writing instead of going to bed to dwell on all the things wrong in my life, it might help that, right? I hope so.

I can't look for anyone else to motivate me to get this done. I have to want this, want to finish the damn story and turn it into an entertaining read.

Come April we have Norwescon, where I signed up for another Writer's Workshop. Between now and then I need to get as much of the story done as possible.

But for now, we're off to Leavenworth for the weekend. I'll be taking the laptop and will bring the story as well... who knows, maybe a cabin in the snow will be the muse I need.

NaNoWriMo

I found NaNoWriMo through a friend on an RPG site & decided to give it a try. I love writing but find myself unable to finish novel projects because of a fear within myself of people reading my work. I think it's rather stupid since I know I'm a talented writer (saying that makes me feel like I sound totally full of myself, I swear I'm not) but I just can't make that leap from knowing it and believing it. I am confident that some of you out there understand what I mean when I say that. I started writing on forum based RPG sites in various fandoms and fell in love with it. Took a few years to be able to balance that with my novel writing but I'm now able to split my proverbial creative juices between the two.

I am a resident of Lynnwood, wife and mother of three. I'm 30 years old but refuse to fully grow up. I've got a strong base of friends that I'm finally opening up to about my writing and I feel like I'm ready to take that next step. Doing NaNoWriMo is my way of pushing forward.

Now... I'm writing for real starting today (even though I signed up on the first, I'm done procrastinating) and am already an hour into writing and over a thousand words.

Here's to getting it finished & here's to you. Good luck to all of us!

The Future Unfolds

I've hit a moment in my life where I don't honestly know what's going to come next in several areas. And it's driving me crazy.

Homelife is weird, not technically living where we're staying but not technically staying where we live. It's all up in the air and I'm stressed out to the point of nervousness over it. I don't know how to explain it, can really do nothing to fix it and just have to simply wait and see what happens.

I cannot find within me the confidence to believe in myself. Not about anything. But it's not something I can show to people so I put on that mask and play the part. About almost everything. Except my writing. Since no one reads it, it's easier just to /not/ write than to battle myself over it. I try. I find some time to spend putting thought to paper and even during a quiet few hours while camping last weekend found myself actually writing out plot. But it felt so disconnected on the page and I soon felt like I was doing everything wrong. It was easier to find something else to do than to continue struggling with my own feelings of inadequacy.

Work is something else entirely. I'm being screwed over. I know that. But what else can I do at this point in time? I'm looking for a new job but with my condition it's going to be impossible to find something that replaces what I'm doing now, fits into my lifestyle, meets the demands of my illness and gives me the ability to support my family.

If I take a moment and be completely honest with myself, I know what I want to do. I want to get myself in gear and go to school. What a cliche, right? I don't even know if it's something I CAN accomplish. How much of a failure would I be in that scenerio. I haven't done any sort of schooling in 12 years. Is it selfish to force my family to live even more meagerly than we do now (which is possible, as hard as it seems) so that I can get a degree that I may never use?

I don't know what I'm doing. I feel lost and confused.

Hopefully, I'll figure this out. But advice would be welcomed. I just don't know who to ask.